my heart was in pain like never before. my mind was in a state of chaos, my chest felt like there was a tight squeeze and for a split second it stopped beating. i was on the floor groaning and writhing in a agony. 

i twisted, squirmed and even charged my head on the cold floor tiles. i scratched my whole body till my skin was red, peeling with burning sensation. my fingernails felt like it was about to be ripped off, signs of blood from the torn skin oozed out. the pain was nothing compared to how my heart felt.

it was then i realised how much you meant to me. the time we had last time that i took for granted, now to me felt so precious. 

i'm jealous, i'm furious, i'm irritated at the fact you're gone. you're with someone else and i can't help but be envious.. i say the stupidest things when that happens which would offend you. 

but it's all because i'm scared. i'm scared of losing you to someone else. i'm scared you'll forget me and the times we had together.

i know, i know and would probably have guessed it's a one sided thing. but somehow, deep down i felt there was something going on. but as usual, i was too stupid to realise, take the chance and do something more for you.

i was embarrassed to show you how i felt. but i can't be that way knowing i'm losing you day by day. as day by day pass your heart grows fonder for this other guy. i want to be that guy!

for the first time ever, i've never felt so strong about a person. it's always a relieve and always felt right being with you, or even just taking a glimpse of you... and for the first time ever, i cried my heart out knowing i'm going to lose you forever. leaving me clinging on tightly, my memories with you.